The New Lords of No Rings

Disclaimer: If you're looking for me to praise LeBron in this piece, I advise you stop reading now. Congratulations, Bronny. I'll let Newman take it from here.

Alright now on to far more important matters: who do we replace LeBron with for the "No Rings" jokes? Besides the fact that he was (and still is; he could win not 5, not 6, not 7 and that won't change) an egotistical, self-absorbed diva, it was so much fun to mock LeBron because of "The Decision" or that infamous "Welcome Party" the Heat threw, or when he and D-Wade mocked Dirk during the Finals last year, or his taunting KG in the Eastern Finals this year.....

Okay I'm already off track. It's going to take me a rather long while to adjust to this new world we're living in where "LeBron James" and "Champion" belong in the same sentence. But have no fear, I've picked out several athletes, both current and former, who when all combined may not be as smug as BronBron, we can still take satisfaction in jokes like "their favorite Johnny Cash song is "Of Fire"" (No "Ring" of Fire).

Roberto Luongo

Certainly the most delusional you'll find on this list, remember Luongo's comments during the 2011 Stanley Cup when he made the case that he was still better than Tim Thomas? Even after the Canucks were outscored 165-7 over the course of the series (okay it was 24-8 but still)? Then to see Luongo cowardly sit during the Canucks lone trip to Boston this past regular season, followed by a first-round flame out to the Kings? It was beautiful, all of it, especially after he got benched after Game 2. In related news, Luongo has requested a trade from Vancouver. 

Dwight Howard

D12, not to be confused with that group Eminem performed "Till I Collapse" with....actually wait that's totally perfect. Because Dwight's popularity has undergone a monumental collapse the last year or so, as he toys around with the idea of leaving the Magic to get closer to a championship (with the Nets, no less. Makes complete sense). He's waffled more times than Brett Favre ever did with retirement. He ultimately decided to exercise his option to stay in Orlando for next season, only to shut it down near the end of last season to opt for back surgery rather than try and help the Magic contend for a title. I'll tell ya, LeBron may have quit on the floor near the end of his Cleveland days, but at least he never went off the floor.

Alex Ovechkin

Hilarious enough that it is that people still think Ovechkin is better than Crosby, there's not even a need to look at the ring department here (Crosby 1, Ovie 0, for the record). Look at how his production has fallen these past several years? 109 points in 2009-10, to 85 points in 2010-11, to 65 points this past season. And isn't a guy who's (supposedly) the best player in the world supposed to at least get his team to a Cup or two? We just wrapped up Year 7 of the Ovechkin Administration in DC, and he's yet to even get his team to the Conference Finals. Am I the only one who's noticed that?

Carmelo Anthony

Due to the LeBronification of the NBA, Carmelo set his sights on leaving Denver to play for a team that would get him closer to that elusive championship. A 1-8 playoff record thus far with the Knickerbockers is exactly what he was talking about, right? Not to mention a 43-40 regular season record in games which he's suited up since taking his talents to Madison Square. It's hard to say definitively that Denver is better without Carmelo, but they're absolutely positively not worse, either. We'll give 'Melo some slack for delivering a National Championship at Syracuse, but his exit from Denver really displayed his true colors. Certainly worthy of this list.

LaDainian Tomlinson

"They showed no class and maybe that comes from the head coach"-LT after a postseason loss to the Patriots in 2006. Tomlinson actually had a good day, rushing for 123 yards and two scores, but the following season, when the teams met again in the playoffs? Two rushes for five yards with a "hurt toe". I realize he was plagued by Marty Schottenheimer and Norv Turner for much of his career, but if you're gonna talk the way LT did, better walk the walk too. Then again I guess you can't walk much with a hurt toe.

Barry Bonds

This could be any ringless slugger with ties to juicing, but why not the mastermind behind the hit reality series "Bonds on Bonds". The only guy on this list who could actually make a case at being more smug than LeBron, Barry made just one trip to the Fall Classic in his 20 year career, falling short to the Rally Monkey and the Anaheim Angels. Perhaps the one thing Pirates fans can take solace in these days is that even though they haven't had a winning season since Barroid split town in '92, he never did get that ring by the bay.

Judge Smails

Would Caddyshack have been as highly regarded if Smails and Dr. Beeper hadn't choked against Ty Webb, Al Czervik, and Danny Noonan? Really Smails's blown lead, starting right after Al broke his arm, is about equal to a team blowing a 3-0 lead in a playoff series. Even the fearless Webb had seemingly given up after he told Czervik "you, you're not good" after the Front 9. You've gotta wonder if Rocco ever tracked him down after he declined to pay Al.

The Monstars

God forbid they ever make a Space Jam II, I would actually root for these guys for a shot at redemption. Because we all know who would play the role of Michael Jordan: LeBron James. 

Celtics vs. Heat: The Morning After

When someone gets voted out of the game of Survivor, the CBS producers always wait to interview them until the following day. Let the emotions settle, let the bitterness or humility simmer down, let things come into focus. It's a wise move, because who knows how caught up in the moment one could get immediately after being eliminated from the game.

So along these same terms, I let last night's Celtics defeat settle for a few hours, grasp the fullness of it, and what it means moving forward. Don't get me wrong, last night sucked, but I didn't take a bottle of tequila to the face (Super Bowl XLVI), or stare blankly at a ceiling for half an hour (Super Bowl XLII), or cry (Aaron Boone). In those three instances, it's pretty clear the Patriots were the better team on both occasions, and that the Red Sox beat themselves via a managerial [in]decision. And that's what made them all so damn frustrating. But last night?

The better team won.

And it kills me to say that, because the game was tied after three quarters. And because Game 2, above the others, was so poorly officiated. And that for the third time in the Pierce/Garnett/Allen epoch, the Celtics blew a 3-2 series lead. And that it's entirely possible we've seen the last of KG and Ray-Ray on the parquet floor.

But make no mistake about it. The Heat were the better team last night. Don't believe me? The Celtics scored 88 points. You know how many of those came from the bench? 2. Two. Dos. Duex, on a second quarter bucket from Ryan Hollins. Granted, the Heat had only one player come off of the bench who scored, but it was Chris Bosh, who chipped in 19. Including three 3-pointers.

I wrote yesterday that the Celtics would be in an excellent position to win if Paul Pierce scored 25 points. He put in 19, on 7-18 shooting. His quest to secure his legacy in Celtics lore remains out with the jury.

The Celtics were ultimately undone by a lack of bench. Injuries to Avery Bradley, Jeff Green, and even Chris Wilcox really limited the upside of this team. Bradley was proving over the course of the season, and into the post-season, that he was among the best on-ball defenders in the entire NBA. Jeff Green, who's run here could be classified as an unequivocal disaster so far (especially considering what the Thunder have done without him). But you don't think his presence would've taken the burden off of Pierce at any point this season? The Truth, more than KG or Allen, was done in by the lack of scoring the Celtics were able to provide off the bench. Allen, if you remember, was coming off the bench for Bradley by later in the season. And Garnett, for whatever reason, turned back the clock to 2008. But in the end Pierce, the longest-tenured current Celtic, was the largest victim of his age.

Moving forward, I've been on record all along that KG will be back. And why not? Assuming the Celtics draft a real center later this month, KG will be able to cut back his minutes tremendously next season, as he can continue to be spelled by Brandon Bass. Who was outstanding this season, by the way. Let Garnett ride off into the sunset here in the same manner the Spurs are doing with Tim Duncan. You know, like earning the 1-seed in back-to-back post-seasons. And really, there's no reason to let Ray Allen go either. I personally think he'll retire, but if he could come back on a cap-friendly deal, by all means. Could there be a more lethal sixth man in the league than Jesus Shuttlesworth?

The key difference between the Celtics and Spurs again problems, however, is this: we happen to have Rajon Rondo. In other words, even once the Big 3 do move on to the retirement home, the Celtics will still have one of the 10 most valuable players in the NBA. Rebuilding on the fly. It can work.

As for the Heat? Sure I said all the right things earlier, but does that mean I'm rooting for them now?

Not bloody likely. And if you don't understand the significance of the SuperSoncis pennant here, then, clearly you don't know me all that well. Or the follow the NBA, one or the other.

LeBron's legacy on the line? How about Paul Pierce

"Predictions are worthless".

Bob Ryan, the famed sportswriter for the Boston Globe, told me this in an encounter I had with him at Tiger Mart on the afternoon of Game 1 of this series. It's not the first time I've run into Ryan, but it's the first time I got to have somewhat of a conversation with him. I once sold him a jockstrap at Pro Sports (true story), and I also held a door open for him once (he didn't thank me). So I figured third time would be the charm.

When I say "conversation", I really mean that maybe two or three sentences were exchanged by each of us. I asked him if they [the Celtics] were gonna do it tonight, and he gave me his words of wisdom. Predictions are worthless.

Of course....I did say heading into this series it'd be a 7-gamer. I didn't figure the Celts would drop the first two and then win three in a row, but no matter how we got here, the bottom line is we got here.

LeBron James has been downright brilliant at times this series, and downright frustrating in others. I mean I still can't get over the fact he decided not to drive on Mickael Pietrus at the end of regulation in Game 4, opting instead to pass the ball. In typical LeBron fashion, he had a monster first half in Game 6. His onslaught continued into the second half, putting the game out of reach. There's really no joke I can make about the fact that just 4 of his 45 points came in the 4th quarter, either, because as I said, the game was out of reach.

The key tonight for a Celtics victory isn't so much slowing down James, because quite frankly I just don't see it happening. But if they can neutralize D-Wade the way they've been doing (for the most part) this series, it will take another Jordan-esque effort from LeBron for the Heat to have a strong chance of winning. Yes I just said Jordan-esque. I'm not ready to live in a world where LeBron James is considered "clutch", and neither should you.

Another aspect of tonight's game that will be crucial is pretty simple: which Paul Pierce shows up. Obviously he won't go 4-18 shooting again, but can he reprise a previous Game 7 battle with LeBron, back from 2008? I have no doubt in my mind Hondo and KJ Rondo and KG are ready to go for this one tonight. I'll say this right now: Paul Pierce doesn't have to go for 41 like he did back in '08, but if he can score 25 points, the Celtics will win this game. I truly believe that is the X-factor.

Paul Pierce has been a Celtic his entire career. He's been through it all. Antoine Walker. Bimbo Coles. Tony Delk. Vin Baker. Dan Dickau. Wally Szczerbiak. The Big 3. Through it all, he's got one ring to his credit. That's enough for players on most teams to cement themselves as an all-time great, but not in the land of Bill Russell, Larry Bird, and the others. Pierce may be the Celtics second all-time leading scorer, but if he ever wants to be mentioned consistently in the same breath as Russell, Bird, Havlicek, Cousy.....it's gonna take some more bling. And this may well be Pierce's last chance to accomplish that.

Forget LeBron. He'll have more chances. Paul Pierce has just as much on the line tonight from a historical perspective, probably more so.

So back to this whole prediction thing. Whatever Bob. I think predictions matter coming from the right people , if they know what they're talking about. I'm not saying that I do, and I'm not saying that I don't. But I'm 100% saying that the Celtics are going back to the NBA Finals tonight, to the tune of a 100-95 victory in South Beach. Bring on the SuperSonics.