Alright now on to far more important matters: who do we replace LeBron with for the "No Rings" jokes? Besides the fact that he was (and still is; he could win not 5, not 6, not 7 and that won't change) an egotistical, self-absorbed diva, it was so much fun to mock LeBron because of "The Decision" or that infamous "Welcome Party" the Heat threw, or when he and D-Wade mocked Dirk during the Finals last year, or his taunting KG in the Eastern Finals this year.....
Okay I'm already off track. It's going to take me a rather long while to adjust to this new world we're living in where "LeBron James" and "Champion" belong in the same sentence. But have no fear, I've picked out several athletes, both current and former, who when all combined may not be as smug as BronBron, we can still take satisfaction in jokes like "their favorite Johnny Cash song is "Of Fire"" (No "Ring" of Fire).
Roberto Luongo
Certainly the most delusional you'll find on this list, remember Luongo's comments during the 2011 Stanley Cup when he made the case that he was still better than Tim Thomas? Even after the Canucks were outscored 165-7 over the course of the series (okay it was 24-8 but still)? Then to see Luongo cowardly sit during the Canucks lone trip to Boston this past regular season, followed by a first-round flame out to the Kings? It was beautiful, all of it, especially after he got benched after Game 2. In related news, Luongo has requested a trade from Vancouver.
Dwight Howard
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D12, not to be confused with that group Eminem performed "Till I Collapse" with....actually wait that's totally perfect. Because Dwight's popularity has undergone a monumental collapse the last year or so, as he toys around with the idea of leaving the Magic to get closer to a championship (with the Nets, no less. Makes complete sense). He's waffled more times than Brett Favre ever did with retirement. He ultimately decided to exercise his option to stay in Orlando for next season, only to shut it down near the end of last season to opt for back surgery rather than try and help the Magic contend for a title. I'll tell ya, LeBron may have quit on the floor near the end of his Cleveland days, but at least he never went off the floor.
Alex Ovechkin
Hilarious enough that it is that people still think Ovechkin is better than Crosby, there's not even a need to look at the ring department here (Crosby 1, Ovie 0, for the record). Look at how his production has fallen these past several years? 109 points in 2009-10, to 85 points in 2010-11, to 65 points this past season. And isn't a guy who's (supposedly) the best player in the world supposed to at least get his team to a Cup or two? We just wrapped up Year 7 of the Ovechkin Administration in DC, and he's yet to even get his team to the Conference Finals. Am I the only one who's noticed that?
Carmelo Anthony
Due to the LeBronification of the NBA, Carmelo set his sights on leaving Denver to play for a team that would get him closer to that elusive championship. A 1-8 playoff record thus far with the Knickerbockers is exactly what he was talking about, right? Not to mention a 43-40 regular season record in games which he's suited up since taking his talents to Madison Square. It's hard to say definitively that Denver is better without Carmelo, but they're absolutely positively not worse, either. We'll give 'Melo some slack for delivering a National Championship at Syracuse, but his exit from Denver really displayed his true colors. Certainly worthy of this list.
LaDainian Tomlinson
"They showed no class and maybe that comes from the head coach"-LT after a postseason loss to the Patriots in 2006. Tomlinson actually had a good day, rushing for 123 yards and two scores, but the following season, when the teams met again in the playoffs? Two rushes for five yards with a "hurt toe". I realize he was plagued by Marty Schottenheimer and Norv Turner for much of his career, but if you're gonna talk the way LT did, better walk the walk too. Then again I guess you can't walk much with a hurt toe.
Barry Bonds
This could be any ringless slugger with ties to juicing, but why not the mastermind behind the hit reality series "Bonds on Bonds". The only guy on this list who could actually make a case at being more smug than LeBron, Barry made just one trip to the Fall Classic in his 20 year career, falling short to the Rally Monkey and the Anaheim Angels. Perhaps the one thing Pirates fans can take solace in these days is that even though they haven't had a winning season since Barroid split town in '92, he never did get that ring by the bay.
Judge Smails
Would Caddyshack have been as highly regarded if Smails and Dr. Beeper hadn't choked against Ty Webb, Al Czervik, and Danny Noonan? Really Smails's blown lead, starting right after Al broke his arm, is about equal to a team blowing a 3-0 lead in a playoff series. Even the fearless Webb had seemingly given up after he told Czervik "you, you're not good" after the Front 9. You've gotta wonder if Rocco ever tracked him down after he declined to pay Al.
The Monstars
God forbid they ever make a Space Jam II, I would actually root for these guys for a shot at redemption. Because we all know who would play the role of Michael Jordan: LeBron James.
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