NFL Week 1 Picks

Damn I haven't blogged since June 29? If the Summer of Gronk was a 10, and the Summer of George was a 0, I'd clock in right around the middle at 5. It was a great summer, just not one filled with mixing it up with porn stars a la Gronk. But I didn't slip and fall on invitations while being unemployed, either. So I'll put myself in the middle.

I regret not blogging at all, however. I mean sure I was busy this summer, trying out a few new jobs and what not, but all kinds of crazy things have happened since late June. For what it's worth, that's the day I started work for my father, so I guess I was stripped of my soul in some ways.

So I already went over my NFL predictions on the air between last Thursday and Friday's show, but a quick recap of your 12 playoff teams:

AFC: Patriots, Steelers, Texans, Broncos, Chargers, Bills
NFC: Cowboys, Packers, Falcons, 49ers, Bears, Panthers

Super Bowl XLVII: Patriots over 49ers

Now there's no telling how many brain cells I've destroyed between now and my most recent blog posting, but have no fear, I will continue to deliver high quality blogs with my picks all season long. I'm back. And maybe I'll even start writing about some other things again. To be fair, nobody really wants to read about the Red Sox soap opera, do they? But so help me God if there's an NHL lockout, my opinions of Gary Bettman will make their way to a computer screen near you.

Alright how about these Week 1 picks? I already sniped Dallas over the most fraudulent defending champions in recent memory on Wednesday night, so I'm gonna try to keep batting 1.000 here.

Home team in CAPS

BEARS (-9.5) over Colts

For years, the Bears defense has been their signature, the reason they've been an intriguing sleeper candidate all along. I mean Rex Grossman sure as hell didn't lead them to Super Bowl XLI. Between Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs, you knew week in, week out, you had two of the best linebackers on the field at any given moment in Chicago. And that's still the case. However....

....this is the best offensive team fans at Soldier Field will have witnessed since....ever? Not to compare Matt Forte to Walter Payton by any means, but it's been so long since even an average offense existed in the Chicagoland area. The build-up has been coming for a few years now, since drafting Forte and acquiring Jay Cutler, but the moves the team made this off-season could put them over the top. Brandon Marshall is what he is, a completely insane yet driven individual who thrived with Cutler during their marriage in Denver. 102 and 104 catches, respectively, in their two full seasons together (2007-08). The addition of Michael Bush to the backfield to spell Forte is a monumental upgrade over Marion Barber.

Andrew Luck and the Colts will be competitive, just not this week against a surefire playoff team.

Eagles (-9.5) over BROWNS

Which Cleveland team has more hope, the Browns, Indians, or Cavaliers? It's almost like asking whether there's more hope for peace in Sudan, Iraq, or Afghanistan. Surely, the degrees differ. But not to the Clevelanders.

Bills (+3) over JETS

Over/under on sacks today for new acquisitions Mario Williams and Mark Anderson? Two apiece sounds fair, right? Which is funny, because I'm assuming there'll be about four plays where Tim Tebow is under center for the Jets. You may not know this, but I have a strong feeling the Tebow/Sanchez thing isn't going to end well.

Redskins (+8) over SAINTS

I kinda wish I had known the bounty suspensions would be voided before making my season predictions....but I'll stand by 'em. The Saints still can't run the ball, and who knows how effective Jonathan Vilma will be. Not saying they fall off the face of the Earth, but a 9-7 type of season feels about right. RGIII will have the best debut of the 5 rookie QB's.

Patriots (-5.5) over TITANS

Pats getting less than a touchdown? Really? This could be a 2007 type of opener, where the offense absolutely explodes to the tune of 38 points. Hopefully there's no accusations of illicit camera activity afterwards, though. I'm so confident in the Pats today I'll even bestow my "Lock of the Week" pick for them.

VIKINGS (-3.5) over Jaguars

At least Adrian Peterson and Maurice Jones-Drew will actually play, albeit coming off of major ACL surgery and a holdout. Thing is, they're still the best offensive players on each team, even with their restrictions.

TEXANS (-13) over Dolphins

If I had one pick for a team that could go 0-16....it's the Fins. Ryan Tannehill's wife is the only reason to watch Miami, although it is a damn good reason.

LIONS (-9.5) over Rams

According to Adam Schefter, there's a female official in this game. I have a paper to write on women's rights due tonight. Maybe I'll have to give this game a whirl after all.

Falcons (-2.5) over CHIEFS

Tony Gonzalez back in Kansas City! This Falcons offense has the potential to be scary good this year in Tony G's swan song, and with no Brandon Flowers today, Matt Ryan should get off to a great start against the Kansas City defense.

49ers (+5) over PACKERS

Any time an offense that already had Vernon Davis, Michael Crabtree, and Frank Gore can go out and add Randy Moss, Mario Manningham, and Brandon Jacobs....not to mention return all 11 starters from one of the top defenses in the league....you have to be thinking Super Bowl or bust, right?

Panthers (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS

Take the money and run with this pick. Cam Newton's sophomore season is bound to be even more impressive than his rookie campaign. You don't think he's ticked off people are saying RGIII is going to be better than him? Panthers in the playoffs. Book it.

Seahawks (-2.5) over CARDINALS 

I do think the Seahawks will be a fun team to watch with Russell Wilson. I also think Bill Simmons has officially "jumped the shark" by picking Seattle to go to the Super Bowl. Really Simmons? Grantland was already a questionable enough move but now this? It's like when Survivor had Coach and Ozzy come back the same season. Just absolutely no need or correlation to anything whatsoever.

BRONCOS (-2) over Steelers

There's absolutely no ceiling or floor for what Peyton Manning could do this season. It's virtually unprecedented. Broncos could go 12-4 and make the Super Bowl and I wouldn't be all that surprised, or they could flop and go 7-9 and I wouldn't be all that surprised. Just know that if Manning's neck doesn't hold up, and there's a QB controversy somewhere in New York soon, and a certain left-handed quarterback emerges and starts winning games....like I said, it's all unprecedented.

RAVENS (-7) over Bengals

I'm afraid this is the year age catches up with the Ravens D. Ed Reed to is too fragile, and Terrell Suggs is out for at least the first six weeks. More pressure on Joe Flacco and the offense than ever before. Fortunately, week 1 pits them against a Bengals team that hasn't had back-to-back winning seasons since the early 1980's. We shall see.

Chargers (+1.5) over RAIDERS

Norv Turner has used up 8.5 of his 9 lives....and surely he won't survive another slow start this year. But I'm not buying that anything will be different in Oakland. The argument "a full season of Carson Palmer".....is that necessarily a good thing?